


incongruity

by blvckwatch



Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Pre-Canon, Stream of Consciousness, in a sense?, this is like one big, yea i have thoughts and feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 00:18:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18981304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blvckwatch/pseuds/blvckwatch
Summary: It probably started when his mom signed him up for football.





	1. Chapter 1

It probably started when his mom signed him up for football.

It’s not that he doesn’t like the sport, or that he hasn’t made friends. Gareth, or Grizz as everyone like to call him, has grown to love football and the camaraderie that comes along with it. The bond between him and his current high school teammates are strong and he’s thankful to have made friends like Luke, Clark, and Jason. Despite their differences, being forced to work together toward a common goal tends to brings guys like them together for the most part.

Anyone else would consider Grizz lucky. He’s made it to his senior year of high school, a member of the football team, and pretty much liked by everyone. That last one Grizz isn’t exactly too sure of himself, but no one has made it seem otherwise.

The point is that Grizz is doing relatively well for himself. He should be happy. He should be grateful that a guy like him managed to get this far. Grateful for his mom’s decision to sign him up for peewee football, because otherwise he wouldn’t have known how great he was at a sport he had never shown an interest in before.

Sometimes he misses the tap dancing though. It’s been years, but he remembers how freeing it felt. To be able to express himself, even if it was just through his feet. To be fair, he still does make use of his feet during games but it just isn’t the same. 

He wonders how his childhood would’ve been if he had been allowed to continue tap dancing. It’s a thought that likes to pop in Grizz’s head the closer he gets to graduating from West Ham. Sure, he wouldn’t have made the same friends or had the same opportunities, but maybe he wouldn’t be stuck in his head all the time. Maybe his parents would’ve ended up warming up to the idea that he was different. Maybe he wouldn’t have started hating who he was so much.

Maybe he would’ve been brave enough to talk to that one boy he always sees in the hallways, the one he’s had a crush on for almost a year or so now. He thinks his name is Sam, but he isn’t so sure. He’s never really allowed himself the chance to get close.

Grizz doesn’t like to dwell on it because the more time he spends on hypotheticals, the more he feels like he’s lost years of his life playing pretend.

He has to constantly remind himself that it’s almost over. Soon, he’ll be in college and get to leave his life in West Ham behind. No more football and more importantly, no more acting. There’s no denying the hurt he’s going to feel cutting himself off from some of the people he’s grown up with, but Grizz knows it’s for the better. Even if it means never getting to know that boy, Sam, who he actively avoided for his own sake.

But if he’s going to leave this town for good, that means cutting everyone off. No exceptions. He’s sure people will be happier with their current memory of him anyways. Everyone will remember him as the straight football player who always had his head in a book in his free time, who was slightly nicer than the rest of the other jocks. He can’t blame them for having that image either. After all, that’s all everyone truly knows about him. 

He’s never really allowed the truth to slip out much. Grizz is still too afraid of what would come after, even after coming to terms with his own sexuality. There’s a big difference between knowing you’re gay and actually admitting it and honestly, Grizz still doesn’t know where he stands. He’s not even sure if he even truly accepts himself yet. He always told himself that he’d come out once he gets out of West Ham – to stop lying to everyone including himself – but for four years now his only goal was to convince everyone he was straight. What does it even mean to come out, to _be_ out?

The concept of reinventing himself, starting off anew is so foreign to Grizz. He wishes that there was some kind of guide for him to follow, a step-by-step guide on how to gay as dumb as it sounds. It’s terrifying that in a few short months that it’s going to be a reality and he has no idea how to handle it.

His brain feels like it’s going a mile a minute and sometimes he just wishes it would stop. It’s only gotten worse as the end of the school year nears.

Grizz just really hopes he can make it until graduation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i haven't. properly written anything in a year so i hope it wasn't. too ooc and that u enjoyed it thank u for reading pls lmk what u think


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the night before and the morning of

The timing of it seems odd.

It’s not that Grizz is opposed to spending a week in the mountains. He’s probably more excited about it than most other people in his grade. There’s just something appealing about escaping to the outdoors, where the only thing you really have to worry about out there is yourself.

It’s something to look forward to that _isn’t_ graduation.

The only other person who has shown interest in the camping trip is a girl in his literature class, Bean. They often talk to each other during breaks in class and when the topic had come up, she had seemed excited at the prospect of being outdoors and exploring nature. They even joked a bit about how their other classmates would handle it.

He doesn’t exactly remember their entire conversation but recalls how Bean thought that Harry wouldn’t last the week, which Grizz personally disagreed with. If anything, the guys on the football team were less likely to last the trip, particularly Clark. One thing they could agree on however, was that Campbell would most likely be the first to suggest hunting for food (and actually go through with it).

But regardless of who would or wouldn’t survive the trip, spending a whole entire week in the Great Smoky Mountains this close to graduation seems a little untimely. Grizz figures it has something to do with the return of the smell in town. It’d make sense, considering his parents have also decided to also go out of town this week to visit his grandparents living out of state which, under normal circumstances, is something they’d never do. He kind of regrets not asking them the reasons behind their departure before they left him behind in an empty house the night before the trip.

Then again, they were never super close anyway. Sure, they’ll hug him every now and then and his mom will tell him she loves him like any other parent would, but there’s always this underlying tension that Grizz wishes would just. Go away. He knows why it’s there, knows that his act only works on classmates and not the people who raised him. Grizz just wishes things could just be normal and not feel like he’s constantly walking on eggshells in his own home.

It’s not like his parents don’t love him. There’s no doubt that his mom and dad care deeply about him as a son. Grizz is just, more afraid of the limits of that love (which sounds dumb even in his own head). It’s hard to _not_ be a little cautious about the whole thing considering the way his mom had chosen to deal with it back in elementary school. Hell, Grizz had barely scratched the surface of his identity at that age before it was quashed down. He’s allowed to be a little bitter about it.

Having to constantly worry about whether or not your parents will always love you is tiring.

He can already feel the tears threatening to come out again. Grizz has always been an emotional guy. It doesn’t hurt to have a good cry every now and then - there’s nothing wrong with it. He’s the kind of person who cries watching animal reunion compilations on YouTube. It’s not like he’s ashamed of it. He would just _really_ appreciate it if his thoughts could at least try to stay positive for once.

He figures it’s best to just sleep on it.

  


* * *

  


_Hey. What’s that?_

When Grizz had turned to look at what Luke was talking about, he didn't expect to see words spray painted on the previously empty brick wall. He doesn’t remember seeing this here the other day.

_Graffiti._

The graffiti isn’t anything special, simply the phrase ‘Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin’ in stark white. Where does he remember seeing that phrase before?

_Yeah, I know it’s graffiti, man, but when was the last time you guys saw graffiti in this town?_

He does find it weird that whoever did this chose this spot in particular. He finds the choice of graffiti even weirder. He can tell it’s Hebrew at least, but it takes him a second before he recognizes the origin of the phrase.

Maybe that world religions class he took junior year was useful for something.

_**It’s the writing on the wall.** _

_Yea, no duh._

_**That what it’s called. “The writing on the wall?” From the Bible, the book of Daniel.** _

Belshazzar’s feast.

_Why do you always know shit I don’t know? – It’s nonsense._

Grizz had read parts of the Bible when they had started the unit on Christianity last year. Helena was always willing to give him suggestions on what to read after class. He remembers reading this biblical story on his own time but never really expected to encounter it again. Despite what people said about the Bible, it could be pretty interesting at times. Grizz is sure Clark and Jason would find it interesting too if they found the time to read it. 

_**It’s Hebrew. It means, “you’ve been weighed in the balance and found wanting.”** _

_No, it means someone was definitely fucking high last night._

He doesn’t really know why he still bothers sometimes. Grizz personally could care less about some random graffiti, but for some reason this feels off too. Luke wasn’t wrong about the lack of graffiti in West Ham. Not even the boldest art student would dare vandalize a school wall knowing the consequences. 

It feels wrong.

The longer he looks at the spray-painted text, the more uneasy he feels. Why would someone choose to write that particular expression? It feels too menacing, too much like a warning or a threat. Grizz really doesn’t like the conclusions he can feel himself coming to.

Jason and Clark have already started walking off, but Grizz can feel Luke linger behind for a bit. He doubts its for the same reasons that he’s sticking around for.

The trip doesn’t feel quite as exciting anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i guess i did end up continuing this huh. anyways i.... experimented a bit with using dialogue from the first episode so i hope that portion was easy to understand and u can tell when it's grizz actually talking hhhh but anyways! might start a separate fic to add onto this as a series that kind of continues following grizz and his thots! until next time laid ease lmk what u liked and what u didnt like all feedback is appreciated:)


End file.
